A rebellious teacher made the difference in teaching safer sex

Kaylee C.’s sex education journey began in junior high, where her religious upbringing created discomfort around the subject of sex. 

"I was offered sex ed in junior high, but I was really stressed around anything sexual,” she said. “So, I got my parents to sign that I didn't have to.” 

That early opt-out decision left her without any formal sex education until high school, where her sex education became unconventional: "I didn't have anything formal. It wasn't like everyone in every grade got it,” she said.

Instead, her understanding about bodily autonomy was largely dependent on the initiative of one anatomy teacher who was willing to break the rules.

“The teacher himself decided to add sex ed into our reproductive health lessons," she said. "It wasn't in the textbook. He printed out specific papers on different types of birth control and the pluses and minuses of them.” 

She appreciated the detailed information provided by her high school teacher. 

"One positive thing was he did have a pretty comprehensive list of different types of birth control that I hadn't ever heard of," she recalled. This information was crucial in helping her navigate the complexities of safe sex practices amidst a backdrop of fear and misinformation.

Kaylee said the material was neither standardized nor part of the official curriculum. LOOKOUT will not identify the name of the teacher since instructing children on sex education without parental approval is grounds for firing and possible lawsuits.

In Arizona, state law forbids schools or teachers from withholding information from parents that might go against a family's belief systems. This includes a requirement that allows parents to opt their kids out of learning about HIV, sex education classes, or any materials they might consider to be sexually inappropriate—a standard that is left up only to individual parents.

Reflecting on her upbringing, Kaylee acknowledges that her family and religious background were significant obstacles in her sex education: "My parents and the church both together were detrimental to my sex education. It just made me terrified of everything," she said. 

Most of Kaylee’s understanding of consent and sexual health came from her community and personal research. 

Growing up in a Church of Latter Day Saints household, her family’s discussions about sex were minimal and fraught with fear-based messaging: “The church made me terrified of everything. We learned that you shouldn't even hold hands or kiss because it's putting you on the wrong path.”

To fill the gaps, Kaylee turned to her friends, particularly LGBTQ+ friends. She said her understanding of "consent was very much based in the queer community.”  

Through that network, she received insights into the social aspects of relationships and consent that were absent from her formal education. Additionally, Kaylee took an academic approach to understanding sexuality, reading medical papers to educate herself about the biological and safety aspects of sex. 

"I needed real scientific evidence to make sure that I would not have a terrible experience because I was so scared of it," she said.

Despite the challenges, Kaylee did find some value in the limited sex education she received in school. 

Kaylee advises other young people to be critical of the messages they receive from the media and to seek credible sources of information. 

"Even if you can't find good messages, at least be aware of where the bad messages are coming from," she said. “You should be able to listen to your own body and mind more than what you've been told you should do.”

Last week's voice: Kapua Ioane (she/her), Tucson, Ariz.

Leaving kids to piece together adult problems

Hear their voice: Kapua Ioane, Tucson, Ariz.

LOOKOUTShelby Rae Wills (they/she)

Next week's voice: Yesenia Siemens (she/they) Yuma, Ariz.